It's morning, as Sarah sits in the kitchen with coffee made, and newspaper sitting at the kitchen table, as Myrtle walks out of her bedroom, as Sarah asks her Mother "Notice anything?" Myrtle walks into the living room, and looks into the den, and walks back into the kitchen, and smiles "Did the two moochers move?" Sarah takes a drink of coffee, and sighs "If only. They went out this morning." Myrtle quips "Well good." Sarah looks at her Mother, as Myrtle grabs the keys to her Buick, and Sarah asks her Mother "Where are you going Mama?" Myrtle asks her Daughter "May I borrow a hoodie?" Sarah looks at Myrtle for a moment, with a quizzical look on her face, and asks "What are you up to Mama?" Myrtle answers "My hair. Hair Palace didn't do a great job, and the bitch cutting it couldn't get off her phone after I made it damn well known how I wanted.." Sarah sighs "You wild woman. So where are you going? A wig shop?" Myrtle tells her Daughter "Troost and 63rd. I called an old girlfriend this morning, and found where my dear Alberta's working now." Sarah responds "She owns her own salon at New Landing Mall Mama, and I think I should go with you." Myrtle defiantly tells Sarah "NO! You stay here, and lie to your Sister when she sadly comes back." Myrtle heads to Sarah's bedroom, to grab a hoodie, as she mutters "Could have told me sooner before a 20 year old turned my hair into a frizzed out mess." Sarah rolls her eyes, as she reads the paper, and Myrtle walks into her bedroom, and opens the closet door, as she puts her sunglasses on, wearing a black hoodie, and grabs a pistol that belonged to Jimmy, and pepper spray, as she walks back into the kitchen and yells "Locked and loaded!" Myrtle walks over to the stove, and pulls out a knife, as Sarah asks "Are you sure you don't want.." Myrtle tells Sarah in a stern tone "I'll be fine! I got enough weapons on me that nobody will want to take me on. Now just stay here and guard the premises." Myrtle walks out the back door, as she heads to New Landing Mall, as Sarah rolls her eyes, as a few minutes later, Regina and Ted returns, as Regina asks her Sister "Where's Mama?" Sarah laughs "In the ghetto Regina." Regina freaks out, as Sarah fills Regina in, with mischief on her face, as Regina tells her Husband "We have to go get her! Mama's going to get killed!" Ted walks over to the refrigerator, pulls out a beer, and sighs "Your Mother, and I'm going to the den." Regina looks at Sarah with panic, as Sarah responds "Don't look at me. You have a beer, smile, and leave her be."
In a Buick, driving down Troost, Myrtle has her hoodie up, and looks around as a car swerves towards her, as Myrtle flips the bird to the driver, and the driver stops, as he looks, and says "That old bitch's crazy." Myrtle keeps driving, as she looks around, and gets sentimental briefly, as she says to herself "I loved this area. Look at it now. A damn war zone." Someone honks their horn, as Myrtle pulls over to the side of the road, as the driver yells "Speed up you old bitch!" Myrtle rides the car's bumper before she arrives at New Landing Mall, where Myrtle shopped at many years ago when Regina, William, and Sarah were children, as Myrtle looks around, as she says to herself "Looks like it always did." Myrtle gets out of her car, and walks inside, as people look around, and Myrtle yells "What the hell are you looking at? I know where I am!" Myrtle opens the door, and looks around, as she sees cell phone shops, leather stores, and mutters "Looks like somebody's hellbent for leather." Myrtle walks down the concourse, as someone stops her, and asks "Are you lost? No white folks come down here anymore. And this ain't your side of town!" Myrtle snaps back "Ever heard of pepper spray, pistols, knife, and a mad old white lady? I have nothing to lose so back the hell off of me and put on some clothes that fit!" Unknown to Myrtle, a salon, called "Alberta's on the mall" sits behind her, and inside, Alberta Woods, sits in a chair, as one of her employees runs in and tells her "There's this crazy ass white woman in a hoodie yelling at everybody." Alberta gets up, and tells her employee "Help Ms.Thelma with her weave, I will walk out there and see what's going on." Alberta walks out of her shop, as she looks over, as a woman yells at Myrtle "I'm not scared of you old woman! Don't talk to my man like that and go back to your side of town!" Alberta yells "Y'all get y'all's asses off of her now! I mean it!" Myrtle turns around, as Alberta asks "Myrtle Thomas. What brought you down here from the state line?" Myrtle pulls down her hoodie, and Alberta sighs "I pity the hairstylist that messed up your hair." Myrtle hugs Alberta, and goes "Oh my adopted Daughter. Save me!" Alberta walks Myrtle inside, as a woman reminds Alberta "I am next!" Alberta tells Myrtle "Make yourself comfortable, and I'll take care of your hair." The woman asks "Well?" Alberta responds "Go down the hall and buy a damn wig." Alberta walks over to Myrtle, as one of the hairstylists asks Alberta "Who's the white woman?" Myrtle responds "Alberta's white Mama." Alberta starts to laugh, as she tells her employees "This lady and I worked together for years before we were both laid off at the same time from Willard's." Alberta's assistant goes "Oh so she's the woman you talk about all the time?" Alberta nods, as she and Myrtle begins to catch up, as Alberta quips to her longtime friend "Your hair will be safe now. Bring Sarah next time."
A few hours later, Regina paces the floor, as Sarah sits in the living room, and asks Regina "You keep up you'll fall in the basement." Regina asks frantically "Mama's not here? What if those hoodrats killed her?" Sarah sighs "You need to chill out. Wanna go to the basement?" Regina snaps "No! Those people.." Sarah stops Regina, and warns her "You watch your mouth before you lose your teeth." Regina sighs "Oh yeah. Amelia." Sarah tells her Sister "Mama and Daddy are open-minded, and raised us the same way though your mind has never been open except for your legs." Myrtle walks inside, as she beams "I'm saved. Look at me now." Regina cries "Mama! You're alive." Myrtle glares at Regina, and asks "Were you making funeral arrangements? You're not in the will." Ted, in the den, as he's drinking yells "Damnit Regina!" Myrtle looks down into the den, and turns to Regina, and warns her "You go make yourself look less slutty, and sober your Husband. We have a guest for dinner tonight." Sarah asks "Alberta's coming over?" Myrtle smiles, and goes "Yes sweetie she is. She'll be over in a few hours, so time for me to start cooking." Regina asks her Mother "You won't cook for Teddy and I?" Myrtle laughs "You know how to cook, and I only cook for people I like." Myrtle heads into the kitchen, as does Sarah, as Regina warns her Husband "Alberta's never been fond of me, but yet just loves Sarah, and Mama told me she'd trade me for Alberta any day." Ted asks "Is she overly religious or anything? Or has something against.." Regina answers "Just hope she doesn't bring her Husband." Ted looks at Regina, and tells his Wife "I think I'll go to Grandview and skip this dinner." Regina sighs "Good idea." Myrtle walks out of the kitchen, and tells Ted "And stay there too." Regina rolls her eyes, as Myrtle returns to the kitchen, and Regina sighs with disgust "I really hoped I'd never have to see snooty Alberta. It's going to be a long night."
It's dinner time, and in the kitchen, Myrtle's cooked her specialty, Fried Chicken, and Regina walks in the kitchen, as Sarah prepares the table, as Myrtle walks over to Regina, and grabs her hand, as Regina gets a beer, and warns "Don't you think about it. Alberta's almost here." Regina yells "Damn!" Myrtle adds "And straighten your ass up. Don't start pitching damn fits because Alberta's here and she doesn't like you." Sarah asks "Will Ward be joining in?" Myrtle tells Sarah "Alberta said to put it to where Regina doesn't go mad, he was tired, but said hello." A knock's at the door, as Myrtle tells Regina "Instead of boozing up, help your Sister." Regina sighs with disgust, as Myrtle heads to the front door, and answers, and Alberta looks at Myrtle and goes "Looking good. Anyone notice?" Myrtle tells her "Sarah did, but Regina was ready to call the troops." Alberta rolls her eyes, as she sighs to Myrtle "I can't believe a woman in her 60s would move in with her Mother." Myrtle whispers "I'm senile and feeble to her. Thinks I have a pot of gold buried in the yard." Alberta quips "Figures." Sarah walks into the living room, as Alberta gleams "Oh Sarah!" Sarah and Alberta hugs, as Sarah responds "It's been a long time." Alberta tells Sarah "Myrtle told me you were living here. Good to see you in one piece." Sarah laughs "Regina won't admit it, but she fears me." Alberta jokes "If she looked like she did when I last saw her, she may scare herself." Myrtle tells Sarah and Alberta "Let's all go into the kitchen, I cooked chicken." Alberta reminds Myrtle "I'm watching my diet now. I wasn't blessed like you with weight Ms.I can eat what I want and wake up and not look like I'm pregnant." Myrtle laughs "Ok to slip for tonight." Alberta walks inside the kitchen, as Regina, who sits at the table with a beer in her hand, and slightly buzzed, sighs "Oh shit." Alberta looks at Regina slightly, and looks at her wrist, and walks over, and looks over Regina, and quips "Damn you're darker than me. Just remember though, Black don't crack baby, but white women in tanning beds do, and Regina, you're too damn white to be black." Regina snaps "Still the bitch you always were aren't you?" Alberta notices the beer, and Sarah sits down, as Myrtle takes her place at the head of the table, and bends over, and knocks the beer off the kitchen table, as Regina's eyes widen with disgust, as Myrtle tells her Daughter "Clean that up and act civilized for once." Regina throws the beer can away, as Sarah asks Alberta "So where's Ward? I haven't seen him in years." Alberta looks over at Regina, and smiles, and snarks "I invited him, and told him about Regina and her new Husband, and he's working late." Regina rolls her eyes, as Alberta asks Myrtle "So I see Mitzi still lives next door?" Myrtle responds "Oh yes. Boyd passed on a month before Jimmy, and she's babysitting her Granddaughter tonight." Alberta asks "I noticed when I pulled in that house on the other side of you's for sale?" Myrtle nods "It is. Mrs.Martin moved to a retirement home, and it's currently empty." Alberta tells Sarah "You should buy it Sarah." Sarah sighs "I don't care about living in a home since the kids are grown, and I'm paying for Amelia's college tuition." Alberta quips "It's likely wise you stay here and protect Myrtle anyway." Regina snaps "Protect Mama from me?" Alberta nods "Exactly." Myrtle kicks Regina under the table, as Sarah asks Alberta "So how's your family doing?" Alberta smiles "All my kids are well, and Ward's getting ready to retire soon, and we're looking to move." Myrtle tells her friend "Move next door! That's an order!" Sarah also encourages Alberta, as Regina yells "I'm going to the den." Alberta snides "Good to see you Regina." Regina ignores Alberta, as Myrtle sighs with relief "Thank God." Alberta responds "She's still the same hypocrite she's always been." Myrtle asks again "So why don't you and Ward move next door?" Alberta yells so Regina can hear "The whiteness will blind him as he puts it!" Sarah laughs, and Myrtle responds "The area's pretty mixed. He'd be comfortable." Alberta responds "I know, I just wanted to say something to the prune in the den." Regina yells from the den "I heard that!" Alberta yells "At least I'll know not to buy you a hearing aid when you turn 66." Regina walks into the kitchen, and snaps "And what exactly are you trying to start Alberta? I know you hate me." Alberta gets up from the table, as Sarah and Myrtle both cover their eyes, and Alberta tears into Regina, telling her calmly, yet sternly "I know how you really feel about me, and my race Regina. And it's 2014, and Sarah's Granddaughter's mixed, and dating my Youngest Son, and you and that wino Ted are here mooching off your Mother, who's not senile, not frail, but vibrant, and full of life, and cut her a damn break, and grow the hell up!" Regina's silent, as Myrtle looks at Sarah, as both of them watches on, as Regina walks back into the den, with her head down, as Myrtle smiles "That's a first." Alberta responds "Myrtle, Sarah, since when have I ever not spoke my mind?" Myrtle hugs Alberta, as Sarah gets up and walks into the den, as Regina sulks, and Sarah tells her Sister "You earned that tongue-lashing." Regina sighs "I hate her." Sarah looks at Regina, and tells her "Amelia's my Granddaughter, and I raised her after I lost Jenny in that car accident. You claim to be about family, maybe you need to check yourself." Sarah walks out, as Myrtle and Alberta stands in the living room, and Alberta tells Myrtle "I think Ward and I may just move out here, and I'll do your hair right here for free." Myrtle shrugs "You don't have.." Alberta hugs Myrtle, and tells her "You've earned it, and Ward and I will be available anytime and you, me, Mitzi, and Sarah can revive our "Ladie's Night" again." Myrtle smiles, as Alberta hugs Sarah, and looks into the den, and smiles "Bye Regina. Make sure to wear makeup. Don't want to scare yourself." Alberta heads back to her home, as Myrtle walks into the den, as Regina continues to sulk in self-pity, and tells her Daughter "Take heed, and when she does move in Mrs.Martin's old home, don't start no shit. And warn Ted that Ward was a boxer, and has no tolerance for people." Regina's silent, as she doesn't say anything, and Myrtle and Sarah walks back into the kitchen, as Myrtle tells Sarah "I think it's about to feel more like home with my favorite girls around, you, Mitzi, Alberta." Sarah asks "Do you think this will make Regina move out?" Myrtle looks at Sarah, and sighs "I wouldn't bet on that sweet girl. She's like a pariah, she won't go anywhere." Regina sits in the den meanwhile, and says to herself, as she's sobering "Mama, Sarah, and Alberta's right. But I'll never admit it to them."
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Life With Myrtle: Season One. Episode 2. House Rules
It's morning time in Myrtle's House, and Sarah has walked back into the house from getting the newspaper, as Regina lays on the pull out bed in the den, and Sarah holds a trash bag, and yells at her Sister "Wake up and fix this bed Regina. And clean up this litter of beer cans from last night." Regina slurs "Do I have to?" Sarah pulls the sheets off of Regina, and the pillow from under her head, and quips "I can just fold you into the couch. Now get your ass up and clean this mess before Mama wakes up. She's already mad you and the wino have made this home." Regina looks over, and asks Sarah "Where's my Teddy Bear? Did you have sex with him?" Sarah responds in a dead-pan tone "I'd become a lesbian if Ted Jones was the only man left on earth." Meanwhile in Myrtle's bedroom, Myrtle lays in the bed, as she hears a man's snore, and says to herself in her head "Jimmy?" On the other side, Ted lays on the other side, with his mouth open, as he's passed out after a drunken stupor the night prior with his Wife. In the kitchen, Regina picks up beer cans, as Sarah watches, and Regina asks in a rude tone "Well Sarah are you going to help me?" Sarah responds "Make sure to put something on those eyes. You look like a fried bug." Back in Myrtle's bed, Myrtle looks over, as she sees Ted laying next to her, and Myrtle's eyes widen with disgust, and in the kitchen, Regina and Sarah hears Ted yell in a slurred tone "What the.." As Myrtle screams "Get the hell out of my bedroom you impotent bastard!" Ted runs out of Myrtle's bedroom, in his underwear, as Myrtle holds a can of pepper spray, and yells "I should spray your ass! Damn drunk!" Regina glares at her Sister, as she yells to Sarah "We should have gotten the bedroom." Before Sarah responds, Myrtle snaps at her Oldest Daughter and Son In Law "What the two of you should do is buy a damn cot at the wino bar the two of you congregate!" Ted responds "I'm a veteran Myrtle." Myrtle responds "Only with a bottle of beer." Sarah asks Ted "So my friend told me you lied your way in down there?" Regina responds to Sarah "Stay the hell out of my business! And poor Ted's." Myrtle quips "He's poor alright. And apparently stupid. May have finally found someone on your IQ level Regina." Regina asks her Mother "And what does that mean?" Myrtle laughs "I could call you a slut? Both are true anyway. Now go put something on under those eyes, and I'm going out on the patio. And clean this damn mess." Myrtle grabs the newspaper, and slams the door, as Regina tells Sarah "You'll have to move." Ted agrees, and Sarah tells Regina and Ted " And the two of you can kiss my ass."
Outside, Mitzi sits on her porch on the side of her house, as Mitzi yells at Myrtle "Good morning." Myrtle walks over, as a yelling match starts inside Myrtle's house between Regina, Ted, and Sarah, and Myrtle stares towards her home, and Mitzi looks at her neighbor, and asks "What's with that look Myrtle?" Myrtle whispers "I found someone in my bed this morning." Mitzi's silent, as she pours Myrtle a cup of coffee, and Myrtle sarcastically tells Mitzi "I think that wino tried to rape me." Mitzi asks "Did Ted.." Myrtle responds "I woke up from a dream of Jimmy, and look over and see Ted. I kicked him! Damn drunk." Mitzi rolls her eyes, as she asks "Want to stay here?" Myrtle tells her friend, as they sit and listen to the yelling at Myrtle's house "I may need to break that up." Mitzi sighs "At least nobody lives with me besides Johnny." Myrtle sighs "At least you have a good Grandson. I have a two good children, and Regina. I wish Jimmy had of worn a condom when we went to Canada years ago." Mitzi goes with shock "Canada? You never mentioned that before." Myrtle responds "If Regina were your child, wouldn't you like to forget it? I've had to live with the nightmare for 65 years." Mitzi shakes her head, and changes subjects, asking Myrtle "How about you and I go on our walk at the mall? We'll stop by Pancake King on the way." Myrtle looks towards her house, and tells her best friend "Give me a few minutes. I'm going to spray my bedroom to get the smell of beer out, and get dressed." Myrtle heads back across across the yard as she mumbles to herself "If this shit keeps up, Regina will be a 3 time widow." Mitzi walks back inside her house, as Johnny stumbles into the kitchen, and pulls out a cigarette, and Mitzi points to her front patio, and tells her Grandson "Outside with that!" Johnny takes his coffee and cigarette outside, as Mitzi looks at a picture of her Husband Boyd, who passed away from lung cancer, as she sighs "Your fault.", as she gets ready.
A hour has passed, and Myrtle walks into the living room, as the TV's on, and Sarah watches "Daylight And Darkness", and Regina sits on the couch, and yells "I want to watch Now And Forever!" Ted meanwhile, sitting next to Regina, and drinking a beer, tells his Wife "I'm going to Grandview." Sarah and Myrtle responds "Don't come back either." Regina yells at her Mother and Sister "The two of you need to stop ganging up on my Teddy, he has issues." Sarah quips "Nobody can help he carries empty sacks Regina." Regina huffs, as Myrtle whispers to Sarah "Good one sweet girl." Regina yells "Teddy I'm coming." Myrtle points to the couch, and tells Regina sternly "Regina Thomas, last name times nine, sit your ass down!" Regina sits, as she asks her Mother "I'd rather have a drink first before you and Sarah starts to push me around anymore." Myrtle looks at her Oldest Daughter, and tells her sternly "If you want to live with your poor senile Mommy as your Daughter Farrah puts it, then I'll treat you like a child. Teach Ted that this den is the ONLY place where you will sleep, and if Ted ends back up in my bed, impotency won't be the only problem facing him, and clean up your mess if the two of you wants to booze!" Regina asks her Mother "What about Sarah? Any rules for her? Isn't fair to point me out." Myrtle smiles, as she looks at her Youngest Daughter, and responds "Sarah has something you don't, brains, and she doesn't sleep with every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Ted in Metro Kansas City and the four corners." Myrtle adds, as she prepares to head to the mall with Mitzi "And Sarah's welcome here, you can ask the Extended Stay sleaze pool in Grandview if they accept credit." Myrtle heads out, as Regina glares at Sarah, and Sarah laughs "Watch your damn show. I'm going to the basement." Regina asks "Doing something illegal little Sister?" Sarah sighs "I'm looking for Daddy's golf club, and pretend for a moment you still live in Ava." Sarah walks out of the den, as Regina sighs to herself "What a bitch."
Across the State Line, at the "Overland Shopping Center", Myrtle and Mitzi stands in front of Myrtle's former workplace, that's closed, as are all the other stores with the exception of a soda shop and one other anchor remaining, as Myrtle sighs to Mitzi "Poor Jones. I loved this place. You know I worked here for over 25 years before they were murdered by that conglomerate." Mitzi asks "So how's Sarah's doing going back to college going since she was laid off from the evil store?" Myrtle beams "She's almost 60, and soon will be able to be a pharmacist. She's smart. Saved her money, and I miss working here with her everyday." Mitzi laughs "You miss the salon. Admit it. Admit it." Myrtle looks up, and sighs "I wish I knew where Alberta went after Willard's closed this store down." Mitzi sighs "America, or Murica as Johnny puts it." Myrtle tells Mitzi "I barely recognize Kansas City anymore. All the good places are gone." Mitzi responds sarcastically "Besides the casino?" Myrtle responds "True." Meanwhile back at Myrtle's House, Regina drinks a beer, and cleans the house, as Sarah walks out of the basement, and Regina tells her Sister "So it's a problem for me to drink, but you can sneak down and sit in the basement for your "medicine?" Sarah smiles, and grins "Prevents me from killing you. Sad your kids call me more than they call you." Regina takes a drink, and walks outside, as she hears a lawnmower, and looks at Johnny, as he cuts Myrtle's lawn, and watches on, as Johnny looks over, and Regina smiles, as Johnny keeps cutting the lawn, and pushes the mower back to Mitzi's yard, and Regina returns inside, and tells Sarah "He's a cutie." Sarah snaps "He's old enough to be your Grandson! And mine!" Regina asks with envy "Going to tell Ted I was eyeing a young man?" Sarah laughs "Don't tempt me."
A few hours go by, as tension fills Myrtle's home, before Myrtle returns, as Mitzi returns to her home, and finds Johnny on the back porch, smoking a cigarette, and turns to his Grandmother, and asks "Who's the old bitch at Grandma Myrtle's?" Mitzi sighs "That'd be Regina." Johnny responds "She was looking me up and down. Sorta freaked me out." Mitzi rolls her eyes, as she sighs "And the slut lives on." Mitzi hands Johnny a check, and tells her Grandson "Myrtle gave me this to give to you. She really thinks the world of you." Johnny responds "I really miss Grandpa Jimmy and Grandpa." Mitzi sighs "I know baby. I do too." Now you go get ready for work." Johnny asks, noticing a look in his Grandmother's eyes "Are you about to go next door?" Mitzi smiles "Don't be late for your job at the United Saver. Remember Jimmy helped you get that job. Run along now." Next door, Myrtle looks around the house, as she tells Sarah "You did great cleaning the house my sweet girl." Regina meanwhile rolls her eyes, as she sighs "I cleaned the house Mama." Myrtle sarcastically tells Regina "I'm sure you did. I'll check the safe." Myrtle walks to her bedroom, as Regina snaps at Sarah "I just hate you." Sarah tells her Sister "At least I have friends. You just have Teddy Bear." A truck pulls up, as a man helps a drunken Ted inside, as he slurs "I need another shot." Regina runs to the refrigerator, as Sarah warns her Brother In Law "If I were you I'd stumble down the road." Ted passes out in the floor, as Regina bends down, and helps her Husband onto the couch, and Ted kisses Regina, as she tells him "I know what will sober you slightly, and make you feel better." Myrtle walks into the living room, and yells at Regina and Ted "The Budget Lodge is down the road." Regina sighs to Ted "We just can't get any pleasure." Myrtle laughs "My house, and no sex around here unless you go rent a room." A knock is heard at the door, and Sarah goes to answer, as Myrtle warns Regina and Ted "And Ted, just so you know again, I'll call you nub if I find you back in my bed again." At the door, Sarah opens to find Mitzi, as Mitzi asks "Where's Regina?" Sarah points towards the den, as Mitzi walks in, and slaps Regina, and yells "Slut." and warns "Don't think of it." Mitzi walks out, as Regina yells "All of you hate me don't you?" Ted slurs "I don't." Myrtle asks Sarah "What was that about?" Sarah turns to her Oldest Sister, as does Myrtle, looking at her Daughter, as Regina yells "I think Mitzi's losing it." Myrtle responds "No, only you Regina. Only you."
Outside, Mitzi sits on her porch on the side of her house, as Mitzi yells at Myrtle "Good morning." Myrtle walks over, as a yelling match starts inside Myrtle's house between Regina, Ted, and Sarah, and Myrtle stares towards her home, and Mitzi looks at her neighbor, and asks "What's with that look Myrtle?" Myrtle whispers "I found someone in my bed this morning." Mitzi's silent, as she pours Myrtle a cup of coffee, and Myrtle sarcastically tells Mitzi "I think that wino tried to rape me." Mitzi asks "Did Ted.." Myrtle responds "I woke up from a dream of Jimmy, and look over and see Ted. I kicked him! Damn drunk." Mitzi rolls her eyes, as she asks "Want to stay here?" Myrtle tells her friend, as they sit and listen to the yelling at Myrtle's house "I may need to break that up." Mitzi sighs "At least nobody lives with me besides Johnny." Myrtle sighs "At least you have a good Grandson. I have a two good children, and Regina. I wish Jimmy had of worn a condom when we went to Canada years ago." Mitzi goes with shock "Canada? You never mentioned that before." Myrtle responds "If Regina were your child, wouldn't you like to forget it? I've had to live with the nightmare for 65 years." Mitzi shakes her head, and changes subjects, asking Myrtle "How about you and I go on our walk at the mall? We'll stop by Pancake King on the way." Myrtle looks towards her house, and tells her best friend "Give me a few minutes. I'm going to spray my bedroom to get the smell of beer out, and get dressed." Myrtle heads back across across the yard as she mumbles to herself "If this shit keeps up, Regina will be a 3 time widow." Mitzi walks back inside her house, as Johnny stumbles into the kitchen, and pulls out a cigarette, and Mitzi points to her front patio, and tells her Grandson "Outside with that!" Johnny takes his coffee and cigarette outside, as Mitzi looks at a picture of her Husband Boyd, who passed away from lung cancer, as she sighs "Your fault.", as she gets ready.
A hour has passed, and Myrtle walks into the living room, as the TV's on, and Sarah watches "Daylight And Darkness", and Regina sits on the couch, and yells "I want to watch Now And Forever!" Ted meanwhile, sitting next to Regina, and drinking a beer, tells his Wife "I'm going to Grandview." Sarah and Myrtle responds "Don't come back either." Regina yells at her Mother and Sister "The two of you need to stop ganging up on my Teddy, he has issues." Sarah quips "Nobody can help he carries empty sacks Regina." Regina huffs, as Myrtle whispers to Sarah "Good one sweet girl." Regina yells "Teddy I'm coming." Myrtle points to the couch, and tells Regina sternly "Regina Thomas, last name times nine, sit your ass down!" Regina sits, as she asks her Mother "I'd rather have a drink first before you and Sarah starts to push me around anymore." Myrtle looks at her Oldest Daughter, and tells her sternly "If you want to live with your poor senile Mommy as your Daughter Farrah puts it, then I'll treat you like a child. Teach Ted that this den is the ONLY place where you will sleep, and if Ted ends back up in my bed, impotency won't be the only problem facing him, and clean up your mess if the two of you wants to booze!" Regina asks her Mother "What about Sarah? Any rules for her? Isn't fair to point me out." Myrtle smiles, as she looks at her Youngest Daughter, and responds "Sarah has something you don't, brains, and she doesn't sleep with every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Ted in Metro Kansas City and the four corners." Myrtle adds, as she prepares to head to the mall with Mitzi "And Sarah's welcome here, you can ask the Extended Stay sleaze pool in Grandview if they accept credit." Myrtle heads out, as Regina glares at Sarah, and Sarah laughs "Watch your damn show. I'm going to the basement." Regina asks "Doing something illegal little Sister?" Sarah sighs "I'm looking for Daddy's golf club, and pretend for a moment you still live in Ava." Sarah walks out of the den, as Regina sighs to herself "What a bitch."
Across the State Line, at the "Overland Shopping Center", Myrtle and Mitzi stands in front of Myrtle's former workplace, that's closed, as are all the other stores with the exception of a soda shop and one other anchor remaining, as Myrtle sighs to Mitzi "Poor Jones. I loved this place. You know I worked here for over 25 years before they were murdered by that conglomerate." Mitzi asks "So how's Sarah's doing going back to college going since she was laid off from the evil store?" Myrtle beams "She's almost 60, and soon will be able to be a pharmacist. She's smart. Saved her money, and I miss working here with her everyday." Mitzi laughs "You miss the salon. Admit it. Admit it." Myrtle looks up, and sighs "I wish I knew where Alberta went after Willard's closed this store down." Mitzi sighs "America, or Murica as Johnny puts it." Myrtle tells Mitzi "I barely recognize Kansas City anymore. All the good places are gone." Mitzi responds sarcastically "Besides the casino?" Myrtle responds "True." Meanwhile back at Myrtle's House, Regina drinks a beer, and cleans the house, as Sarah walks out of the basement, and Regina tells her Sister "So it's a problem for me to drink, but you can sneak down and sit in the basement for your "medicine?" Sarah smiles, and grins "Prevents me from killing you. Sad your kids call me more than they call you." Regina takes a drink, and walks outside, as she hears a lawnmower, and looks at Johnny, as he cuts Myrtle's lawn, and watches on, as Johnny looks over, and Regina smiles, as Johnny keeps cutting the lawn, and pushes the mower back to Mitzi's yard, and Regina returns inside, and tells Sarah "He's a cutie." Sarah snaps "He's old enough to be your Grandson! And mine!" Regina asks with envy "Going to tell Ted I was eyeing a young man?" Sarah laughs "Don't tempt me."
A few hours go by, as tension fills Myrtle's home, before Myrtle returns, as Mitzi returns to her home, and finds Johnny on the back porch, smoking a cigarette, and turns to his Grandmother, and asks "Who's the old bitch at Grandma Myrtle's?" Mitzi sighs "That'd be Regina." Johnny responds "She was looking me up and down. Sorta freaked me out." Mitzi rolls her eyes, as she sighs "And the slut lives on." Mitzi hands Johnny a check, and tells her Grandson "Myrtle gave me this to give to you. She really thinks the world of you." Johnny responds "I really miss Grandpa Jimmy and Grandpa." Mitzi sighs "I know baby. I do too." Now you go get ready for work." Johnny asks, noticing a look in his Grandmother's eyes "Are you about to go next door?" Mitzi smiles "Don't be late for your job at the United Saver. Remember Jimmy helped you get that job. Run along now." Next door, Myrtle looks around the house, as she tells Sarah "You did great cleaning the house my sweet girl." Regina meanwhile rolls her eyes, as she sighs "I cleaned the house Mama." Myrtle sarcastically tells Regina "I'm sure you did. I'll check the safe." Myrtle walks to her bedroom, as Regina snaps at Sarah "I just hate you." Sarah tells her Sister "At least I have friends. You just have Teddy Bear." A truck pulls up, as a man helps a drunken Ted inside, as he slurs "I need another shot." Regina runs to the refrigerator, as Sarah warns her Brother In Law "If I were you I'd stumble down the road." Ted passes out in the floor, as Regina bends down, and helps her Husband onto the couch, and Ted kisses Regina, as she tells him "I know what will sober you slightly, and make you feel better." Myrtle walks into the living room, and yells at Regina and Ted "The Budget Lodge is down the road." Regina sighs to Ted "We just can't get any pleasure." Myrtle laughs "My house, and no sex around here unless you go rent a room." A knock is heard at the door, and Sarah goes to answer, as Myrtle warns Regina and Ted "And Ted, just so you know again, I'll call you nub if I find you back in my bed again." At the door, Sarah opens to find Mitzi, as Mitzi asks "Where's Regina?" Sarah points towards the den, as Mitzi walks in, and slaps Regina, and yells "Slut." and warns "Don't think of it." Mitzi walks out, as Regina yells "All of you hate me don't you?" Ted slurs "I don't." Myrtle asks Sarah "What was that about?" Sarah turns to her Oldest Sister, as does Myrtle, looking at her Daughter, as Regina yells "I think Mitzi's losing it." Myrtle responds "No, only you Regina. Only you."
Saturday, July 19, 2014
Life With Myrtle: Season One. Episode 1. Pilot
In the Kansas City suburb known as South Kansas City, sits a ranch-style home in a quiet neighborhood, known as Royal Meadows. On the front porch, sits Myrtle Thomas, a widow who's lost her Husband, James Thomas 2 years ago. Myrtle sits in her chair, with a glass of water on the table next to her rocking chair, as her neighbor, and close friend, Mitzi Williams walks over, as she sighs "I see you're up to your normal habit." Myrtle points to her water pitcher, and tells her friend "Pour a glass of water, and let's watch the hookers." Mitzi rolls her eyes, and reminds Myrtle "A high school Myrtle. A high school's up the street, not a whorehouse." Myrtle quips sarcastically "With the way those girls dress, you can't tell the difference." Mitzi sighs with defeat "You really get enjoyment sitting out here being the mean old lady don't you?" Myrtle gives a mischievous grin, and Mitzi reminds her "I babysat most of those kids." Myrtle responds "Should have bought some of them some clothes." Mitzi sighs "Styles change." Myrtle suddenly gets up, as she yells at some of the teenagers "Put on some damn clothes!" One of the teenage girls yells back "Go take your Geritol old woman!" The teenage girl gives Myrtle the bird, as she and her friend walks down the sidewalk as they whisper "What a bitch." Myrtle yells back, as Mitzi covers her eyes "Ms.Thomas hussy!" A car pulls into the driveway, as Myrtle's youngest Daughter, Sarah Thomas walks up to the porch, as she asks Mitzi "You and Mama doing her favorite past time?" Myrtle looks at her Daughter, with a smile, and runs and hugs Sarah, as she beams with a smile "Oh Sarah! My favorite Daughter!" Mitzi meanwhile tells them "I think I'll head back over to my house and cook dinner." Myrtle yells "Bring me some." Mitzi walks away, as Myrtle and Sarah walks inside, and Myrtle asks Sarah "So what brings you over sweet girl?" Sarah pulls out a red change purse, and tells her Mother "I was feeling lucky and thought we could go down to the casino." Myrtle smiles, and tells Sarah "I had the same idea. Those bratty ass kids were being mean to me again." Sarah responds "Or was it the other way around? You can't fool me Mama. Since Daddy died, you seem to get joy out of being the mean old woman." Myrtle sighs "Helps me to be ready for whenever Regina may appear." Sarah asks "Have you met number ten yet?" Myrtle asks, as she paints on her eyebrows "I may be 80, but I don't watch Sesame Street Sarah." Sarah sighs "Regina's new Husband." Myrtle sighs "Ah that ten." Sarah whispers "He hangs out in that bar in Grandview, and he's been around." Myrtle quips "So has your Sister. Fitting." Sarah and Myrtle heads out, as they head down to the casino, one of their favorite things to do together, as Sarah and Myrtle are very close.
In Grandview, Regina Jones sits at the bar, called "The Veteran's Club" with her Husband Ted, as she continually calls her Mother, but gets no response, as Regina panics "What if she's fallen Ted? What if.." Ted asks "You worry too much about her. And when do you think I will get to meet your Mother?" Regina sighs "I bet Sarah's already told her about us getting married on the singles cruise. I shouldn't have said anything to her. She's always been Mama's favorite child." Ted asks "Didn't you tell me you have a Brother also?" Regina quickly answers "He moved overseas. I have no use for him or Sarah. Mama favors them. I was a Daddy's girl." Ted's phone rings, as he answers, and responds "What? I told you I'd pay you next week!" Ted slams the phone shut, as Regina asks her Husband "What's wrong Teddy bear?" Ted cries "I lost my house. I made a bad bet." Regina smiles "Well we can move in with my Mama! She's old and feeble and we can go ahead and beat Sarah to the punch." Ted is quiet, as he tells his Wife "My Mom and Dad told me I couldn't stay with them anymore." Regina smiles "My Mama always gives in. She'll feel sorry for you and open her doors."
An hour later, at a casino on the Missouri River, Myrtle and Sarah sits inside a diner, as Myrtle looks at Sarah, as Sarah tells her Mother "They're building a strip mall where the apartments are, so I have to move immediately. Mr.Dick saw dollar signs and sold." A waitress walks by, as Myrtle grumbles "She forgot my silverware. Do I have to self serve?" Myrtle gets up, as Sarah covers her eyes, as Myrtle walks into the kitchen, and goes "Where am I?" A cook, tells Myrtle "No customers allowed in the kitchen!" Myrtle walks around, and grabs her silverware, as she tells the cook "Maybe all of you should learn what the hell you're doing assholes, and don't expect a damn tip!" Myrtle struts out, as she walks back to her table, and Sarah looks at her Mother, and laughs "Next time we'll get a Whopper." Myrtle looks around, as she sees no cameras, and spits into her dinner, and Sarah's, as Myrtle quips "We'll get a freebie." Myrtle yells for the waitress, and the waitress walks over, and sighs "What is it now?" Myrtle snaps "Who spit in my damn food? Someone also spit in my sweet Daughter's food also. I'll call your Manager!" The waitress yells "Damn it's on the house. You always cause problems." Sarah attempts to apologize, as Myrtle smiles, and responds "I'm an old lady, I can do what I want. See?" Myrtle lights a cigarette, and walks out, as Sarah follows her Mother, telling her "You can't smoke in the lobby Mama." Myrtle tells Sarah "You can stay with me Sarah. Now just shut your trap." Sarah thanks her Mother, and sighs "You're crazy." Myrtle smiles "Comes with age, but don't tell Regina. She overreacts."
At Myrtle's House, Regina and Ted pulls up, with three suitcases, as Mitzi stands on her porch, and watches on with a look of dread in her eyes, as Mitzi yells "Myrtle's gone." Regina pulls up the doormat, and grabs the key, and smiles "It's ok. Mama won't mind." Mitzi mutters to herself, as she walks back inside her home "That's what you think." Regina and Ted walks inside, and Regina notices the smell of perfume, and tells her Husband "Mama must be gone. We can settle in." Ted and Regina starts to kiss, as Regina stops Ted, and tells him "Take the luggage to the bedroom." Ted heads to the guest bedroom, as Regina snoops through the kitchen, and looks in the refrigerator and pulls out a bottle of wine, as she opens and takes a drink, as Ted walks into the kitchen, and sighs "You must have packed everything." Regina smiles "I did." Ted asks "Any beer?" Regina responds "No. Mama doesn't like it, but she's senile so she can deal with it." Meanwhile at Sarah's apartment, Sarah and Myrtle has returned, as Sarah tells the moving company "Take my things to the storage kingdom on 90th and Ash." Myrtle smiles, as she tells Sarah "We'll be roomies now Sarah." Sarah tells her Mother "I plan to move out when I find a.." Myrtle stops her Daughter, and defiantly tells her "You can have your old bedroom, and you will stay with me. Now that that's settled, let's go home." Sarah and Myrtle drives back to Myrtle's house, as Sarah drives, and Myrtle turns on her cell phone for a moment, and sees 30 missed calls, and turns the phone back off, and throws it out the window, as Myrtle laughs "She'll have a hard time getting in touch now." Sarah laughs, as does Myrtle as they pull onto the interstate, as they get closer to Myrtle's house.
Back at Myrtle's House, Regina and Ted have made themselves comfortable, as Regina tells Ted, as he puts back on his pants "I feel so sorry for you." Ted sighs "At least we don't have to worry about having kids now." Regina, as she takes a drink of wine, responds "I already have six children and too many Grandchildren to count. It's alright." Ted looks at the wine bottle, and tells his Wife "Since there's no beer, let me drink some of that wine." Regina, who's buzzed, tells her Husband "All gone." Ted yells "Damnit." In the driveway, Sarah and Myrtle pulls in, as Mitzi stands on her porch, as she says to herself "Guess I'll pull up a seat to see this." Meanwhile Sarah parks her car, as she tells her Mother "Look who's here. Wanna run?" Myrtle tells Sarah "Get your suitcase, and I'll run her off." Myrtle walks to the door, as she looks under the doormat, and has a disgusted look of anger, as she opens the door, and Regina walks out of the den, as Regina cries "Mommy! Mommy! I was so scared!" Myrtle pushes Regina away, smelling wine, and goes "Did you snoop into the wine I've saved for 20 years?" Sarah meanwhile walks inside, with her suitcase, as Ted yells "Go get em. Knock his ass out!" Regina tells Sarah "Ted and I are moving in to take good care of Mama. She's so fragile.." Myrtle sarcastically responds "Who said you could move in?" Regina responds "Well Mama, that's what Mothers do. Take in their children when they have no place to go." Ted walks out of the den, as Sarah sees him, and laughs "Ted Jones. The impotent wino of Grandview." Myrtle goes "This is Ted?" Regina gleams "Isn't he wonderful. The man of my dreams." Myrtle responds "Number ten or eleven Regina?" Sarah tells her Sister "I'm moving in, so the two of you can go stay at the roach motel on the interstate." Regina yells at her youngest Sister "I'm going nowhere, and I've already made myself comfortable Sarah!" Myrtle rolls her eyes, as Sarah and Regina starts to argue, and Ted watches on, as the chaos begins.
In Grandview, Regina Jones sits at the bar, called "The Veteran's Club" with her Husband Ted, as she continually calls her Mother, but gets no response, as Regina panics "What if she's fallen Ted? What if.." Ted asks "You worry too much about her. And when do you think I will get to meet your Mother?" Regina sighs "I bet Sarah's already told her about us getting married on the singles cruise. I shouldn't have said anything to her. She's always been Mama's favorite child." Ted asks "Didn't you tell me you have a Brother also?" Regina quickly answers "He moved overseas. I have no use for him or Sarah. Mama favors them. I was a Daddy's girl." Ted's phone rings, as he answers, and responds "What? I told you I'd pay you next week!" Ted slams the phone shut, as Regina asks her Husband "What's wrong Teddy bear?" Ted cries "I lost my house. I made a bad bet." Regina smiles "Well we can move in with my Mama! She's old and feeble and we can go ahead and beat Sarah to the punch." Ted is quiet, as he tells his Wife "My Mom and Dad told me I couldn't stay with them anymore." Regina smiles "My Mama always gives in. She'll feel sorry for you and open her doors."
An hour later, at a casino on the Missouri River, Myrtle and Sarah sits inside a diner, as Myrtle looks at Sarah, as Sarah tells her Mother "They're building a strip mall where the apartments are, so I have to move immediately. Mr.Dick saw dollar signs and sold." A waitress walks by, as Myrtle grumbles "She forgot my silverware. Do I have to self serve?" Myrtle gets up, as Sarah covers her eyes, as Myrtle walks into the kitchen, and goes "Where am I?" A cook, tells Myrtle "No customers allowed in the kitchen!" Myrtle walks around, and grabs her silverware, as she tells the cook "Maybe all of you should learn what the hell you're doing assholes, and don't expect a damn tip!" Myrtle struts out, as she walks back to her table, and Sarah looks at her Mother, and laughs "Next time we'll get a Whopper." Myrtle looks around, as she sees no cameras, and spits into her dinner, and Sarah's, as Myrtle quips "We'll get a freebie." Myrtle yells for the waitress, and the waitress walks over, and sighs "What is it now?" Myrtle snaps "Who spit in my damn food? Someone also spit in my sweet Daughter's food also. I'll call your Manager!" The waitress yells "Damn it's on the house. You always cause problems." Sarah attempts to apologize, as Myrtle smiles, and responds "I'm an old lady, I can do what I want. See?" Myrtle lights a cigarette, and walks out, as Sarah follows her Mother, telling her "You can't smoke in the lobby Mama." Myrtle tells Sarah "You can stay with me Sarah. Now just shut your trap." Sarah thanks her Mother, and sighs "You're crazy." Myrtle smiles "Comes with age, but don't tell Regina. She overreacts."
At Myrtle's House, Regina and Ted pulls up, with three suitcases, as Mitzi stands on her porch, and watches on with a look of dread in her eyes, as Mitzi yells "Myrtle's gone." Regina pulls up the doormat, and grabs the key, and smiles "It's ok. Mama won't mind." Mitzi mutters to herself, as she walks back inside her home "That's what you think." Regina and Ted walks inside, and Regina notices the smell of perfume, and tells her Husband "Mama must be gone. We can settle in." Ted and Regina starts to kiss, as Regina stops Ted, and tells him "Take the luggage to the bedroom." Ted heads to the guest bedroom, as Regina snoops through the kitchen, and looks in the refrigerator and pulls out a bottle of wine, as she opens and takes a drink, as Ted walks into the kitchen, and sighs "You must have packed everything." Regina smiles "I did." Ted asks "Any beer?" Regina responds "No. Mama doesn't like it, but she's senile so she can deal with it." Meanwhile at Sarah's apartment, Sarah and Myrtle has returned, as Sarah tells the moving company "Take my things to the storage kingdom on 90th and Ash." Myrtle smiles, as she tells Sarah "We'll be roomies now Sarah." Sarah tells her Mother "I plan to move out when I find a.." Myrtle stops her Daughter, and defiantly tells her "You can have your old bedroom, and you will stay with me. Now that that's settled, let's go home." Sarah and Myrtle drives back to Myrtle's house, as Sarah drives, and Myrtle turns on her cell phone for a moment, and sees 30 missed calls, and turns the phone back off, and throws it out the window, as Myrtle laughs "She'll have a hard time getting in touch now." Sarah laughs, as does Myrtle as they pull onto the interstate, as they get closer to Myrtle's house.
Back at Myrtle's House, Regina and Ted have made themselves comfortable, as Regina tells Ted, as he puts back on his pants "I feel so sorry for you." Ted sighs "At least we don't have to worry about having kids now." Regina, as she takes a drink of wine, responds "I already have six children and too many Grandchildren to count. It's alright." Ted looks at the wine bottle, and tells his Wife "Since there's no beer, let me drink some of that wine." Regina, who's buzzed, tells her Husband "All gone." Ted yells "Damnit." In the driveway, Sarah and Myrtle pulls in, as Mitzi stands on her porch, as she says to herself "Guess I'll pull up a seat to see this." Meanwhile Sarah parks her car, as she tells her Mother "Look who's here. Wanna run?" Myrtle tells Sarah "Get your suitcase, and I'll run her off." Myrtle walks to the door, as she looks under the doormat, and has a disgusted look of anger, as she opens the door, and Regina walks out of the den, as Regina cries "Mommy! Mommy! I was so scared!" Myrtle pushes Regina away, smelling wine, and goes "Did you snoop into the wine I've saved for 20 years?" Sarah meanwhile walks inside, with her suitcase, as Ted yells "Go get em. Knock his ass out!" Regina tells Sarah "Ted and I are moving in to take good care of Mama. She's so fragile.." Myrtle sarcastically responds "Who said you could move in?" Regina responds "Well Mama, that's what Mothers do. Take in their children when they have no place to go." Ted walks out of the den, as Sarah sees him, and laughs "Ted Jones. The impotent wino of Grandview." Myrtle goes "This is Ted?" Regina gleams "Isn't he wonderful. The man of my dreams." Myrtle responds "Number ten or eleven Regina?" Sarah tells her Sister "I'm moving in, so the two of you can go stay at the roach motel on the interstate." Regina yells at her youngest Sister "I'm going nowhere, and I've already made myself comfortable Sarah!" Myrtle rolls her eyes, as Sarah and Regina starts to argue, and Ted watches on, as the chaos begins.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)