At Myrtle's Home, Myrtle and Mitzi sits on her porch, as the kids walk down the street from high school, as Mitzi turns to Myrtle, as a spark shows in her eyes, as she snarls to Mitzi "Just look at them damn floozies." Mitzi asks Myrtle "Do you call Amelia a floozie? I've seen how she dresses, a lot like these kids walking down the road." Myrtle sighs "That's Sarah's call, not mine." A car meanwhile pulls into the driveway, as Myrtle snarls to herself, as Mitzi silently watches, as Regina's Daughter, Marie gets out of her car with excitement, as Mitzi smiles "Long time no see." Myrtle welcomes her Granddaughter, and asks "Here to take your Mama and ninth Step-Daddy off my hands?" Marie smiles "No Granny." Myrtle reminds Marie with a grin "Remember when you were young, and you called me Granny that day at the mall?" Marie shakes her head, and responds "No?" Myrtle smiles "I slapped you. I wasn't even 40 yet!" Marie smiles "Well you're my Granny." Myrtle sighs "Well I guess I'll have to slap you again, but I like you, so I'll pass. So what's brought you here?" Marie smiles "My Step-Mom died! Isn't that great?" Mitzi snaps "What's great about someone dying? That's awful!" Myrtle asks "How? Did my second favorite Ex Son In Law kill her? She was one bitter bitch." Marie sits down and sighs "No, though he likely dreamed of it. He's ready to move on now and I had an idea." Mitzi tells Marie "Well the two of you can sit and celebrate death! I'm going home!" Mitzi heads over to her home, as Marie tells her Grandmother what she has in mind, as Myrtle smiles "I like that idea. She needs to get out more."
A hour passes, and Sarah arrives from Amelia's apartment, as she yells "Damn! That girl's wild as hell!" Marie walks out of the kitchen and smiles "Aunt Sarah!" Sarah hugs her Niece, and asks "What's brought you here?" Myrtle follows, as she tells her Daughter "Marie has good news, Phil's single." Sarah asks "Did that bitch he was married to die?" Marie smiles "Yes!" Myrtle tells her Daughter and Granddaughter "Drinks are in order." Sarah reminds her Mother "Remember the last time you drank vodka?" Myrtle sighs "Hell I'll drink one of Ted's cheap beers instead." Myrtle walks into the kitchen, as Marie walks her Aunt into the den, as she asks "You always liked Dad didn't you Aunt Sarah?" Sarah responds "As a Brother In Law, yes. He was the best Husband Regina ever had, and it's a shame she slept with his twin Brother." Marie responds "And since we got that out of the way, Granny and I..." Myrtle walks in the den, and yells "Grandma!" Marie rolls her eyes, and sighs "Grandma and I thought you and my Dad could go out on a date." Sarah laughs sarcastically, as she asks her Niece "What are you up to? Are you mad at your Mother?" Marie shakes her head, and Myrtle quips "Hell it would do you good Sarah. He needs a woman who wouldn't have him whipped like that battleaxe he was married to." Sarah asks Marie "Does he know what you are planning?" Marie shakes her head, and tells her Aunt "Tonight he's going to be in Independence at the General's Inn, and he's expecting to meet me, but instead he'll be meeting you." Sarah reminds her Niece "I don't drink though." Myrtle quips "You go to Colorado once a month though." Marie smiles "I got some of that also." Sarah sighs "Ok. But if your Mother calls me a slut, and I kill her, blame yourself." Myrtle smiles "We'll buy a bottle of vodka and just kill Regina." Sarah heads to her bedroom, as Marie asks her Grandmother "Will Aunt Sarah kill my Mom? Really wouldn't bother me, but?" Myrtle, slightly buzzed, tells her Granddaughter "She's on many shit lists. I got first shot though. Heed these words, I brought her in this world, and I will take her out." Myrtle laughs, as Marie watches on, and tells her Grandmother "I'm leaving before Mom and the wino arrives." Myrtle nods, as Marie leaves, and Myrtle says to herself, as she takes another drink of beer "This is some cheap shit. Next time I'll drink vodka."
Nighttime arrives, and in Independence, at the General's Inn, Sarah walks inside, as she says to herself "Well looks like this place hasn't changed much over the years." Sarah sees Phil, Regina's Second Husband, sitting at the bar, as he drinks, and Sarah taps Phil on the shoulder, with hesitation, as Phil turns and goes "Sarah?" Sarah goes "Phil Wallace. Long time no see." Phil hugs his former Sister In Law, and pulls out a chair for Sarah, as Phil asks "So why are you here?" Sarah sighs "Marie set you up on a date with me Phil." Phil sighs "Typical Marie. I knew she had something planned. So I guess she told you the news about Kate?" Sarah nods, and Phil takes a drink, and quips "If I had of signed that pre-nup, then I'd divorced her years ago. She controlled me, and Marie hated her." Sarah asks "How did the old bitch die excuse my french?" Phil responds "She was having plastic surgery in Mexico. She was turning into cat-woman." Sarah nods, and responds "Sounds like the way she'd want to leave, under a plastic scalpel." Phil asks Sarah "So how's life treating you these days? I heard about Jenny, and sad I couldn't attend.." Sarah tells Phil "I understand. And let's just enjoy our date. I'd prefer just not talking about it." Phil sighs "Same with the old ax, I mean Kate." Sarah tells the bartender "Gin and tonic.".
Meanwhile at Myrtle's Home, Regina sits in the den, along with Ted, as Myrtle tells her Daughter "Marie came to visit me today." Regina goes "Oh? She didn't tell me." Myrtle glares at Ted, as he drinks a beer, and Regina responds "Ted?" Myrtle nods, and quips "She was happy though, Kate died." Regina laughs, as she drinks a beer also, and Ted slurs at Myrtle "Since when did you start drinking MY beer?" Myrtle tells her Son In Law "My house, buy yourself a damn fridge!" Regina snaps at her Husband "Shut up Ted! Mama cooked for us, and being surprisingly nice tonight so shut up!" Myrtle grins, and asks her Daughter "So how was work today sweetie?" Regina gushes "You haven't called me that in years Mama. What's come over you?" Myrtle, buzzed, replies "Probably this cheap beer Ted buys. But we should enjoy each other's company. I'm your Mother, and you're my Daughter. My favorite." Regina starts to cry, as Ted asks "Well what about me?" Myrtle responds "Go stand out in the middle of the road for me." The door opens, as Sarah walks inside, as Regina looks at her Sister, and goes "You're dressed nice. Where did you go tonight?" Sarah smiles "I had a date Regina. And no we didn't hit the sheets and run to the night court and marry." Ted slurs "Wouldn't hurt for you to have a man." Myrtle asks "So how's Phil doing?" Regina's eyes widen, as Sarah responds "Very well. We had a few drinks, and shot a round of pool. He's feeling good." Myrtle responds "I imagine so since Kate's dead." Regina asks in a jealous tone "You? Phil?" Regina turns towards her Mother, and goes "You lied to me tonight? Playing with my emotions while Sarah was trying to sleep with one of my Husbands?" Ted coughs, as Sarah reminds her Sister "You are married, and you shouldn't have slept with Phil's twin Brother and married him, then maybe I wouldn't be going out with him again." Regina yells "AGAIN!" Myrtle sighs "Well Regina, Marie wants Phil to be happy, and I miss him calling me Mother Thomas." Myrtle heads to her bedroom, as Regina yells "Get back here you old woman!" Myrtle smiles, and tells Regina "I don't have wrinkles. Look in the mirror you old bat. Night." Myrtle heads to her bedroom, as Regina yells at her Sister "Don't you think of it." Sarah laughs "I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow night Regina. Now tend to your idiot." Sarah heads to her bedroom, as Ted asks his Wife "Who's Phil?" Regina sighs "Ted, we won't discuss that."
A week passes, and the tension mounts in Myrtle's home, as Myrtle and Mitzi walks inside, as Mitzi asks Myrtle "I hear yelling." Myrtle quips "Marie must be here." Myrtle and Mitzi looks into the den, as Regina yells at her Daughter "How dare you set my Husband up with your Aunt Sarah?" Marie snaps "Well he deserves happiness. Something you or Kate never gave him Mom! And you're married now, so shut the hell up." Mitzi rolls her eyes, and warns Myrtle "Well, look at this, you don't come griping to me about your mess." Regina yells at Mitzi "Damn right it's her mess! She helped my crazy ass Daughter pull this off. They are going steady! Damnit!" Mitzi heads out, and says to herself "Well I guess she gets it from her Mother." Myrtle yells at her Daughter "And where is Ted?" Regina yells "In Grandview Mama! Phil's on his way over here and I'm waiting for him and Sarah!" Myrtle goes "Really? Who invited you?" Regina yells "I pay rent!" Myrtle quips "And my name's on the deed." Marie warns her Mother "You and I are going out for a little while. You can go see your Grandchildren." Regina snaps to her Daughter "The hell with them! I'm staying put!" Regina sits down, and Marie looks at her Grandmother, as Myrtle tells her Granddaughter "Watch your Mother, and practice what you learned working at the Mental Hospital. I hear Sarah and Phil." Regina yells "I'm going out there!" Myrtle walks out, and shuts the door, as Marie holds her Mother back, as Myrtle goes "Phil Wallace! My second favorite Ex-Son In Law! You look well." Sarah sees Regina's car, and asks "So I take it you and Marie couldn't bribe Regina." Phil goes "Regina's here?" Myrtle sighs with disgust "Yes. And she's mad." Phil sighs "Figures." Myrtle asks "So have the two of you jumped into bed yet?" Sarah shockingly responds "Mama! No we haven't! Why would you ask such a thing?" Myrtle quips "Well, feel free to here." Sarah whispers to Phil "Mama's lost her filter." Regina meanwhile storms out, as Marie follows as she yells "Sorry Granny!" Myrtle yells back "Grandma!" Regina yells at her Ex-Husband "So you're missing me so bad you're going to get with Sarah? Yuck." Sarah quips "We're going to the motel, and then down to the courthouse Regina." Regina screams "You SLUT!!" Marie jumps "Are the two of you actually tying the knot?" Sarah looks at her Sister, as Myrtle threatens Regina with pepper spray, as Mitzi walks outside and watches on, as Sarah laughs "No Marie. We're friends, but I just had to do that to piss your Mother off." Regina yells at her Sister "It's not funny Sarah!" Sarah responds "The hell it isn't." Mitzi yells "I got a photo! I'm going to see if Johnny will print this." Mitzi runs back in her home, as Myrtle tells Sarah "She fell for it." Phil quips "I'm like Sarah when it comes to marriage, I'd just prefer staying single. We're both content Mother Thomas." Myrtle hugs Phil, and looks at Regina, as she tells Sarah "See Sarah! He was never interested in you!" Marie snaps at her Mother "Aunt Sarah's more of a Mom to me than you've ever been!" Myrtle sighs "Oh hell." Phil looks at Sarah and Myrtle, as Marie and Regina gets into a huge argument, and asks "So would the two of you like to go to dinner? I have seen these two talk, this is common." Myrtle and Sarah accepts, and they leave with Phil, as Regina argues with her Daughter on the porch, as Mitzi sits on her porch, and sighs "Too damn much alike."
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